The Rear View Mirror

Has this ever happened to you: You are driving on the highway, and you check
your rear view mirror to see what’s behind you? (When I do I’m usually checking
for police.) Then, a short time later you realize that you have spent an unknown amount of time looking in the rear view mirror and haven’t paid much attention to what’s in front at all? This happens to me a lot. When I finally realize I’ve been looking behind me the whole time I feel a bit of anxiety wondering how the heck I didn’t have an accident and how exactly I got to where
I am. I have this horrible habit of constantly worrying about what is behind me
that I pay no attention to what is right in front of me. This is true of both my driving and my life
in general.
My past is extremely rocky, to say the least. I live my life with a lot of regrets and often find myself looking back and second guessing decisions I’ve made. I have a hard time letting go of people and I have a hard time forgiving those who have hurt me. I often find myself
daydreaming about what could have been had I made a different choice. What if I hadn’t given the guy my phone number who would end up in prison and would ultimately shatter my heart? What if I hadn’t trusted the camp counselor that took advantage of a young girl’s crush on him? What if I didn’t allow my father leaving to be something that had driven me to desire to be with a man, any man, who promised to love me? What if I didn’t leave New Jersey after high school? What if I perused a career in music? What if I said “No” all the times I said “Yes?” The list could go on.
With as often as I look back, I constantly find myself missing out on what is right in
front of me. There are so many times when I snap back into the present that I look around at my life and wonder how in the world I got to where I am at. There’s so much going on right now and so much ahead in my future, but I don’t see any of it because I am constantly looking to my past and wondering how I can make it better. How can I undo the things I’ve done? How can I fix the mistakes that I’ve made? The fact of the matter is I can’t change a single thing I’ve done. I can’t fix my past. I can’t go back and relive experiences. I can’t say “No” when I’ve said “Yes” and I can’t do anything to change what’s gotten me to this point, right here and right now. What I can do, is take a look at what’s around me, forget focusing on all of the “What ifs” and start focusing on What Is.
Every decision I have made has gotten me right where I am today. Whether I like the
place I am at or not, there is nothing I can do to change how I’ve gotten here. However, I can learn from past mistakes. I can learn better decision making and I can press on towards my future. If I constantly spend time looking back, I risk missing out on an awesome future. There’s a lot of potential in my life, but if I’m constantly looking behind me, I am never going to see it. I have a tendency to use the phrase, “I don’t see how things can possibly turn out okay” Well of course I can’t see how it’s going to be okay, I’m constantly looking in the rear view mirror where things have never been okay.

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead”- Philippians 3:13

I have made is my goal this year to do exactly that; forgetting what is behind and
straining towards what is ahead. I know it’s a difficult thing to do. Maybe some of you struggle with the same thing. We all have regrets, but dwelling on them and wondering “what if” is not going to change anything. I don’t really like the idea of a “new year’s resolution” because they tend to be broken so easily. However, this year I am attempting to make some “life changing
decisions.” This would be one of those decisions. I can do nothing to change the things I’ve done or where my life has been up until this point. What I can do is forget about what I don’t have and forget about the mistakes I’ve made and focus on what I do have. I can look at where I want my life to be and start making choices that press on towards those goals. It’s so easy to sit back and daydream about what could have been. It’s much harder to get up and do something to change what can be. I’m going to choose this year to do that harder thing because up until this point, the easy road has gotten me nowhere.