I’ve always had a lot of anxiety when it comes to money. I spend hours budgeting, planning and trying to figure out how to make life work with what Isaac and I have. I’m in constant fear that we won’t have enough- not enough to buy a house, or a car, or to afford to have kids, or be able to go on vacation, or be able to retire. Sometimes I even worry because I don’t think we have enough to eat healthy and make wise choices concerning our bodies. I mean, I’m pretty convinced that America wants everyone to be fat because eating healthy is definitely more expensive that eating unhealthy. And so in areas concerning money, anxiety always sets in; fear always set in and I’m always afraid of not having enough to get by.
I never stopped to think that I was the type of person who “worshiped” money. I mean, there are people around us who are constantly looking for the next buck, to get rich and have lots of things for themselves. I’m that person who shakes her head at those rappers who take pictures in their piles of money and think “Look at these fools worshiping their money. Don’t they know when they die, they can’t take it with them” Since my fears are in wanting to get by and not in a
desire for wealth and material things, I never really thought I had a problem when it came to “worshiping money” I’ve read this verse hundreds of times and never once even thought that this could be me: “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money”- Matthew 6:24
But then today someone said something to me that completely changed my perspective on
things and caused me to have to take a step back and look at myself. I was explaining that I didn’t understand why I was constantly worrying about money and whether we had enough to make it by. She said, “Well because you find security in money, in knowing that money is the source in which you have food, clothing, shelter, luxuries, etc.” For some reason when she said that, I
realized that my problem was that I found security in money rather than God, who is the source of money. I have completely looked past the God who provides everything I need. I spend so much of my time trying to calculate how much we need in order to buy a house or a car or
to be able to have kids that I never take into consideration that God has promised to provide for me all that I need. I may not worship money in a sense of loving it so much that I’m going to roll around in it (although I won’t lie, I’d probably find it fun to get a bunch of $1 bills and roll around like in the movies. Haha) But I do put money in a place above God because I’m trusting in money to provide, rather than in God, the source of all we have. I am guilty of turning to my budget and trying to see where I can squeeze things into, rather than turning to God. I am guilty of spending more time planning and budgeting my income than praying and seeking after my God.
I am trying to learn that I need to put my trust in God and in God alone. He is the source of all provision for me. He knows what I need. He knows my desires. He knows how to meet those needs and I don’t have to stress out trying to figure out how to make it all work. God knows how it will work and God will work everything out perfectly. It doesn’t mean that he’s going to give me everything that I want, but he has promised to provide all that I need. He has also promised that as I delight in Him, he will give me the desires of my heart. If some of the things my heart desires require financial provision, he will provide it. God is the source of everything I need and I can put my trust in Him knowing that He loves me and desires that I am taken care of and secure. I’m learning that with all things in life, money is fleeting. It will come and go, but one thing will
remain constant and that is God, and in Him is where my trust and security need to lie.
