The Best Question Ever

I'm reading a new book called "The best Question Ever" It's really amazing. I'm only 4 chapters in and I love it. But, this book is ruining my life. Seriously. The best questions ever is "What is the wise thing to do?" I hate having to ask myself this question. When I ask this question, I have to face the fact that many things I want to do are just not wise and therefore I should not do them. For example. I like eating fast food, but when I ask myself if it is wise to eat fast food, the answer is no. It's not wise for my health and it's not wise for my finances. If I go ahead and eat fast food anyway, I have just made myself a fool. This book and the small group I am going to be a part of is going to require me to make some serious life changes and is also going to require me to really think through things that I want to do. Really, a lot of things that I want to do aren't classified as sin. But there are tons of things I want to do that wouldn't be very wise. Having to think about your actions is so not fun. For example, I saw a purse I like. I would love to buy it. It costs $100. Being that I have medical bills and credit card bills, it would probably not be wise to buy it, and therefore I should not. It's not fun to have to think twice about things. Somtimes its just more fun to be the fool.

But I don't want to be a fool. I have some changes that need to be made to my lifestyle and although they may not be fun now and although I may not get what I want, I know that it is what will be best for me. I'm young. I've got a great opportunity to do things right. I plan on taking that opportunity. I haven't started attending my small group yet and I haven't gotten that far into the book, but I've already made a few decisions that I need to stick by:

I am cutting up all my credit cards.
I will put as much as I can each paycheck towards paying off my credit cards
I will not eat fast food
I will change my diet and eat healthier
I will excercise
I will set up payment plans for my medical bills
I will add to my savings account each pay period


These are just a few things that came into my head as I was reading. I'm sure as I go deeper into this study there will be many more things that I can add to the list. One thing I know for sure, in order to keep from being a fool, I will always ask, "Is this the wise thing to do."

Frustrations

Its been a really frustrating couple of weeks. I feel like there is just one thing after another and its so discouraging. My health has not been so great lately. I had to have moles removed because they looked like skin cancer. Then I started throwing up. Then my mole wounds got infected. And just last night, my asthma flared up and I had to go to the ER. (And I haven't had problems with asthma in years). I'm feeling really discouraged. Through out my life I have had a lot of health problems. Random stuff too. I was always labeled as "that girl who's always sick." Even when I was engaged to Isaac, people would tell him, "Don't marry her. She will always be sick." I'm so glad that Isaac never listened to any of them and his response was always, "What kind of god to you serve? Because the God I serve isn't looking at these circumstances. And the God I serve is bigger than any of the sickness." Isaac's really been insturmental in helping me when I've felt sick. And honestly, its been a while since I've been really sick. I really thought that my days of always having something wrong were over. I thought I had beaten it. It had been about a year since I had really been sick. I mean everyone gets a headache here and there and lots of girls have some monthly pain and thats normal. But I didn't have anything wrong that really needed medical attention. Then this past semester I got a double ear infection that put me out of work and school for a few days. A few months later the skin cancer scare happened. A few days later my wounds got infected. A few days later I started throwing up and that leaves me here today- chest pains and trouble breathing. Seriously! This is so frustration. I mean I'm trying so hard to push through everything, but how do I get past this. And how in the world do I pay these medical bills? Should I not go to a hospital when I stop breathing? I don't know. I don't even really know what I'm trying to say. I'm just frustrated. I thought this was over. Now, I sit here in fear that once again I will be labeled as "That girl who's always sick." I hate that label. I just want to be normal

My Hero

Here is the video of my husband Isaac getting shot with a Taser. I think he's brave! Lots of people think he must be short some brain cells to let someone do this to him. Either way, I love him. He's my hero!! Enjoy!!

Feelings vs. Reality

So I haven't written in about a week and a half. Why? Because I didn't feel like it.
I haven't really read much of my Bible lately. Why? Because I didn't feel like it.
I haven't spent much time in prayer lately. Why? Because I didn't feel like it.
I haven't read my book in a while. Why? Because I didn't feel like it.
I haven't excercised in weeks. Why? Because I didn't feel like it.
I have't eaten heathly in days. Why? Because I didn't feel like it.

I often question my salvataion. Why? Because I don't feel saved.


I think that the world we live in conditions us to believe that we should be driven by our feelings. If I don't feel like doing something, I shouldn't do it. If I don't feel like something is true, then it isn't true. The Bible teaches us different. We are told to walk by faith, not by sight (and I think I can safely add, not by feelings) God wants us to trust in him, even when we don't feel Him. He wants us to trust that the sacrifice of Jesus is sufficient for our salvation even if we don't feel like we are saved. In reality, feelings have nothing to do with reality. The other thing is that we need to learn to discipline ourselves to do what we know is right, even if we don't feel like it. I know that I need to read my Bible and pray. I know I need to eat healthy and excercise. Most of the time, I don't feel like doing these things. My flesh is lazy. It would love to sit around and watch TV all day. I'd love to eat whatever I wanted. But this is not what is healthy for me. It's not good for my spiritual health and its not good for my physical health. Really, its not good for my mental health either. I need to be disciplined in doing what I need to do and not just what I feel like doing. I also need to remember that my salvation is secure no matter how I feel.

So its been a few days since I actually sat down to write. Its been quite an emotional rollercoaster. I went to the dermotologist last week for a routine checkup and they ended up removing 3 moles to test for skin cancer. That pretty much terrified me. The thing is that most likely everything is ok and I won't have skin cancer, but there is always that chance.. and that chance is scary. I've been pretty much up and down about it. Some days I am totally fine and confident that everything will come back ok and some days I am terrified that it will come back positive and that I will have a long battle ahead of me. I can't wait till the results come back. Not knowing is driving me insane.