Approval Addict

     This blog post has been a long time coming and is probably
one of the most difficult ones to write, mainly because it causes
me to actually admit I have a weakness and recognize that being perfect
just isn't possible. I can almost guarantee that after posting this blog,
I will start to wonder what all of you think.The reason for this is
because I am a complete approval addict. I thrive on the approval of others
and I dwell on anything I perceive to be disapproval.    
  I'm not sure exactly where all of this started. Maybe I have daddy issues
because my dad left and wasn't there for me. Maybe it has something to do
with being made fun of so badly in middle school that by the time I got
to high school I swore I would do whatever it took to be sure no one made
fun of me again. Where ever it started, its something that has become such
an addictive part of my life that its like a drug. There are literally times
when I feel like I haven't gotten my "approval fix" and my day will seem to
drag. I may even feel depressed. But as soon as someone compliments or affirms
me, my mood will change and I'll feel great again.    
   It took me a few years to really recognize the issue, but now more than
ever I am completely aware of how much it affects my life. I'm trying to
learn that its okay to be comfortable with who I am regardless of what others
may think about me. I have to remind myself daily that God says I am
"fearfully and wonderfully made" Regardless of the opinions of others, I have
been created exactly the way I was supposed to be created and no mistake was
made. I'm trying to teach myself to be confident in who I am and who I am
becoming. My husband reminds me daily that he loves me and accepts me and so
does God. I have no idea why I value to opinions of others so much, even the
people I don't even know. But everyday is a new day to grow, a new day to
learn and a new day to let go of my need to be approved by others. I think its
going to be a long journey, but I trust that God holds me tightly in
the grip of His grace and that "he who has begun this good work in me will
continue it until completion"